I've had two ideas

Now, I feel a bit weird saying this and if somebody copies these I'll be fucking raging and demanding royalties if they make the big time although one may already exist.

Now, buying a present for yer girlfriend or boyfriend can be a difficult experience. (Personally I don't have this problem because I know my girlfriend that well but hey, we can't all be like me, I kid but not really)

So, what I devise is this: I make a website and what you do is have a little snoop around their collection of crap and you pick their favourtite things and you put it into this search engine type thing and you sert a budget.

The website will then figure out what kind of person we're dealing with here and some how, magically bring up the perfect gift for them. So, you type in what dvds they have, it'll find a dvd. You type in what make up or perfume they have, it'll find something.

It could work or it couldn't, I donno and I can't predict these internet trends, I'm quite up to date with the majority of internet memes, mainly being dat ass and the rock for the time being.


The other thing is you create a tshirt with different drinks on it, small enough that you have a selection but not crazy enough that you look like a mental alcoholic. So when yer pal goes up to the bar and forgets your order and tries to get your attention for what you want. You simply point at the drink on your tshirt and everybody wins.

Now this won't work because nobody will ever wear a tshirt with drinks on it, except from those dicks who wear Jack Daniels tshirts.

Blood

It's really warm.

I had a blood test about two weeks ago and I got told that blood is really warm but I think, sure blood can be warm but if you have blood running through your body, wouldn't touching that blood not really be noticeable since it's just the same temperature as your body?

Well it's not. It's quite toasty. The nurse gave me a slightly strange look when I asked to hold the tubes but when I explained the situation, she was completely fine. I had to give 5 viles of blood and I tell you, I was feeling dizzy after it, it probably wasn't the best of ideas to drive afterwards as I felt the need to over react to everything. It's what I imagine driving drunk would be like but completely sober.

I'd like to give blood but it does seem like a lot of effort, I'd imagine, I'd have to go, give a little, they check it, make sure I'm not spewing out aids into the health system and then I come back a month later and donate blood and get a cookie.

I had better get a fucking cookie otherwise we have no deal and I don't want to get hit with a maryland bumper pack, with 50 for a quid. I want a fully fledged cookie, one so big that the thought of eating it in one guy will have me saying, let's see how I feel at the half way stage.

The donate blood website is brilliants. For a start it's called blood.co.uk. It has a fun zone with games on it and the mascot is called Billy and he looks like a condom, red one at that. You know the type. The type of condom you'd only ever find in a dodgy pub where the machine is slightly rusty.

Graphic Design

I find it weird, that I do not have a single problem with designing stuff for other people, it's my job after all but even as a favour I don't have a problem or even doing it to be funny or to be wide.

Yet, when i have the opportunity to create something for myself, I simply cannot be arsed. Hence this blog looks so average.

Something awesome yet dangerous

Coccaine.

No but seriously.

One of the many things I've noticed when driving, well I noticed this a long time ago but being in the driving seat adds a completly different element to it. You know how when you're driving and you see somebody you know driving the other way, you always give a little wave or beep the horn or do something stupid.

What if, you had a signal, through a flash or lights or horn beeps, something so that by the time the cars are passing you have enough time to roll down the windows and give each other a high five as you pass by.

Now, this does possess some great risk, obviously any speed greater than 30mph would hurt like fuck cause basically you'd be slapping something at 60mph and I don't know what the average slap speed is and I think it's one of the mysteries of the universe that we shouldn't know as it would take the magic of a high five. but aye, high speed high fives are out.

What else will be a big no no, is gangster high 5's where you lock hands, cause what will happen is, you'll lock hands and you only have less than a moment here and basically what will happen is; your left hand on the wheel will get pulled sharply to the right causing you and the other driver to go into the other lane, now if it's quiet, fair do's but otherwise you're taking about a head on crash and although nobody will have ever ever ever died like that, it's simply not worth it.

There should also be a safe distance apart, I mean an arms length is a good bit of distance and you have to two arms both extending out so I assume that it should be fine.

I'm going to go find a fellow driving friend and experiment.

Funny story

So I parked the car and was walking down to work and was about to pass by Primark. Now if you're from Hamilton, you will know that there is always a homeless guy or some guy on guitar singing his heart out (Also, if you're in this area enough, you'll realise this guy only knows 3 songs and just plays on repeat, fortunately nobody likes to hang outside primark or farmfoods (when it was open) for good reason)

So, anyhow, I'm walking past and I have a look in Primark as I have nothing better to look at and I see a hoodie and then I look at the homeless guy and would you believe, he's wearing the hoodie in the primark window.

Imagine you went to Primark, you walk out, feeling quite good about your purchase in these times of economic recession and you see that guy, arse planked on the floor with a mcdonalds cup that looks like the top has been chewed off it with pennies in it. So you think back to the thought you just recently had about the recession and you think, is it really that bad that I'm having to dress as a homeless?

What if there was an economic boom and you seem homeless people jumping about in marks and spencers gear, it would be a mad world I tell you!

Singing in the pub

So I tired to sing Fresh Prince of Bel Air yesterday and 2 people joined in, one being my sister. I expected more to be honest. Also since everybody was singing anyway, I deemed this the perfect opportunity to try it but it wasn't to be.

Just to add this in here, I hate the fact that I have so many different passwords for accounts and even more so that I have more accounts.

I'll try for scott_walker first for an account name or failing that scott_walker_88 but then some websites are weird and don't allow underscores so it's scottwalker88 but since some prick stole that on youtube (I mean seriously, i've been on his page, it's pish) so i was left with scottwalker1988.

So I have a vast amount of account, haha look at me rhyming which is only made worse by the fact that I use several email addresses and different passwords cause people have found them out at some point or another.

I have a sort of haven where I have all my account details saved on the web pages but then my internet goes and fucks it self so I have nothing, absolutly nothing.

But in all fairness I don't think the people over at WrestlingGoneWrong.com will miss me that much.

Now, this is a story all about how

Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I liked to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

In west Philadelphia born and raised
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

I whistled for a cab and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror
If anything I can say this cab is rare
But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air


One day, I'll start singing this in the pub and everybody will join in and the pub will be in uproar after it. Also, this song should be on karaoke.

It's been a long time.

The reason mainly being that I've been too busy at work and at night time, I really couldn't give a shite to sit down and write anything, or lie down in this case. I also found that the majority of things that I did want to talk about involved people, who it would be far too obvious who I was talking about.

The sensible thing would have been to simply make a diary. I had a diary once, it lasted for 10 days and involved a lot of drinking and at the end of it all I realised was, that I can't spell when drunk and if a particular someone was to read the enteries, it would be bad news for everybody, probably.

Charlies Angels 2 is on and its awful and at the back of my mind I'm thinking, McG made this. Yes, that's his actual name, it's not McGarry or McGuinness, it's just McG, no first name either. So, this movie is so shit that it's beyond knowing that it's shit and it becomes just a shit shit movie, a double shit movie if you would. Now, why would this bother me?

Becuase this cunt is making......Terminator 4, that's right. This McGenius is making Terminator Salvation. fucking hell.....pies.